Lamb Stew

Aug. 4th, 2010 09:34 pm
[personal profile] stunningflowermachines
A friend insists that this recipe makes for the best lamb stew she has ever had. I tried it and honestly I think it's only the second best lamb stew. All the same, I present her recipe to you without regrets or apologies.

Lamb Stew

Ingredients:
None

Defuse the detonator for the matter-antimatter meson reactor cannon with three seconds left on the timer, saving the whole city. Relax in relief for 10-15 seconds, until enemy agents break down door with stolen police-issue battering ram. Then leap from the skyscraper window and fall fifteen stories before catching on to the skyhook line and sliding down the side of the mountain and directly into your cigarette speedboat at the dock at the end of skyhook line. Briskly flee dock and town for 90 minutes, until lost at sea.

Using your stolen satellite phone, call central headquarters across the globe in Bangladesh and inform them that you are willing to make the exchange. Take speedboat up coast for six to eight days until you reach Alaskan islands. Be sure to wear sunblock and eat British Army-issued "iron rations" along the trip north.

In Alaskan islands, proceed to secret coordinates stored on microdot. Dock speedboat and hike across tiny ice-covered island to assigned rendezvous point. Parlay with your assigned contact for 10-15 minutes until inevitable betrayal. Once betrayal has reached a rolling boil, attempt to flee and be shot in back. Fall onto ice and slowly lose grip on consciousness until vision reaches a golden brown. Be left for dead while your contact steals your speedboat and leave.

Recover consciousness 36 hours later and stagger to enemy contact's abandoned camp. Discover that enemy left behind delicious lamb stew. Consume heartily and slowly nurse self back to health.

Serves one.

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stunningflowermachine

May 2012

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